I've been wanting to write this for weeks now, but didn't have the words yet. I'm going to rant write this post. If you have a few minutes I wanted to write about some things that have been going on with me/things on my mind! In writing this I hope to break open a notion that people who are spiritual, holistic healers, etc are
"enlightened" and have "figured it out". This is so far from the truth.
I am a spiritual person and teach holistic practice, but I am not perfect. I am human. I feel like most people who are guided onto this path, usually have gone through some really intense things in their mind, body, and spirit that leads them here. We are always learning and growing and teaching. All of us. I base a lot of my learning and teaching around our " shadows" and the purpose of them in our lives.
I still have "shadows" of my own.
As a holistic practitioner and human I share these truths with you.
A deep foundation of my practice is the notion that you are definitely not alone.
I knew, going into this particular Winter, that it was going be a vital time for transformation. Purging the things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. All those nitty gritty things that I've still been attached to, both consciously and subconsciously. Personally, 2017 was a vital "overhaul year" for me. Thus, this year in 2018, it has been the year that all the seeds I've been planting for all these years have started to grow.
I've had some really hard truths come flying up these past few months. Truths that I've been forced to have to finally look at dead in the face. Truths about judgement I've been holing onto ( for myself and others). Truths about my life and abilities and truths about the way I've been going about my life that no longer work anymore.
Finally recognizing that I've using "work" and "being busy" for so many years as a way to distract myself from the times I was really sick with Lyme Disease. Now that I'm no longer as sick, i'm trying to learn that, I don't need to do that anymore!
Breaking old habits that don't serve a purpose anymore and filling them with heathier ones!
Learning to use my creativity and art as a skill for expressing the notions I can't always put into words.
The full moon is known to stir up our emotions and magnify magic connected to the human spirit! Full moons are perfect times for planting seeds for goals you've been holding onto and purging old ones.
Personally the moon, this past week, put me through some really "digging deep" moments!
I feel like its been messing with my brain! I've been feeling extremely sensitive, a little nutty, manic, and a deep.. (like really deep) sense of pulling up "ROOTS". If you saw me this week you probably noticed. My usual filter and guards were completely down. I just let my voice GO FOR IT ( I honestly didn't have a choice in the matter) this past week or two. Thus, allowing myself to speak my truth and stand up for myself. My bullshit meter was on full alert. I've been the type of person, in a lot of situations, where I avoid conflict at all costs. It brings me such a sense of dread, because I feel things so intensely. I don't like making others feel bad or think ill of me. So I've learned to just "go with the flow" and let issues where I want to speak up, slide. These past few weeks, I feel, have thrown a lot of people off.
Speaking up for myself in small and big ways, is not something others are necessarily used to in my life. I feel like I've thrown off peoples perceptions of me, a bit. But all in positive directions. Transformations are not comfortable. They can be downright painful sometimes. But necessary. My transformations teach others and others transforamtions teach me.
Well.. what this past year has taught me and the past few weeks, is that MY VOICE MATTERS and I MATTER.
The people I choose to be around MATTERS. My NEEDS matter. That its OK to disappoint others. That someone else AGENDA for you is not YOUR AGENDA. I've had the ability this winter to finally look back into my life and pull up some "roots" and analyze times in my life where I got sucked up in others agendas. Others goals for me, others opinions of me, others agendas for how they wanted me to be.. some of which I went along with. I took the time to look at "the why?". What where the triggers? How was I feeling at the time? Why didn't I speak up?
It's hard to look into these shadows.. but extremely necessary.
I've developed some skills through all this that have guided me through these roots and shadows.
Using my art and creativity as an outlet to figure out an guide my transitions. I don't always have words for things I feel and think, but I always know how to represent them through illustration, colors, & patterns.
I've even developed a few workshops to teach, using some of the new skills I've learned! <3
I hope you enjoyed this rant! :)
I'm definitely feeling this new sense of self and guidance and truth.
I'm feeling so lucky right, in regards to the beautiful souls I have in my life!
I'm so damn grateful for you all.